MOST men – and their women – would like to have a mean-sized 4-5 to ensure pleasure between the sheets.



Photo: Mnombo was injured after his wife allegedly moered him because of his huge joystick. Photo by Unathi Mshumpela

But Mnombo “Anaconda” Madyibi (32) and his wife want exactly the opposite. That’s because Mnombo’s snake-sized 4-5 is allegedly too big, hairy and scary for his new wife’s kitten!

Mnombo got his nickname after his fellow soccer players saw his 4-5 in the change rooms before a soccer match. But his new wife said she’s not being entertained by his bullish 4-5 as it’s destroying her kitten.

Mnombo, a local soccer player from Bhongweni Village in Mthatha, allegedly got klapped on Friday night by his new makoti on their honeymoon in Coffee Bay, on the Wild Coast of the Eastern Cape.

“All was well and she enjoyed the pre-intimacy, but all hell broke loose the moment I took off my underwear.

“My wife said she wanted a 4-5 inside her kitten, not an anaconda,” claimed Mnombo.

“When I tried to penetrate her, she bit my ear before squeezing my balls. Before I knew it, she knocked me over with a bottle of wine before attempting to suffocate me with a red and white teddy bear I had bought her as a gift.”

Mnombo claimed his screams summoned other guests and staff at the B&B where they were staying.

“We took different buses back home. I don’t want to lay charges against my new wife. I love her.

“I think she’s angry because I could only afford a cheaper honeymoon instead of the one she wished for in Zanzibar.”

He said he met his makoti at church last year and she told him she wanted to abstain from sex until they were married.

“I’ve only heard of joystick enlargement and not joystick shrinking,” said a frustrated Mnombo.

When Daily Sun contacted her, his wife said Mnombo was telling lies.

“He has a big 4-5 – long like a cucumber and hairy and scary like a bush. I only slapped him on the cheek and never moered him or tried to suffocate him,” she said.

The couple agreed to get counselling and said they would not involve the police.

-Dailysun.co.za